The Premise

For generations, society has referred to the humble act of defecation using unnecessarily crude, outdated terminology.

We believe it’s time for change.

Henceforth, whenever nature calls and a person must retreat to the bathroom to conduct their business, we propose the internationally recognised phrase:

“I’m off to do a Brenton.”

Or, for those particularly urgent occasions:

“I need to do a sloppy Brenton.”

Why?

Because “doing a Brenton” is concise.
It’s memorable.
It’s confusing.
It sounds vaguely official.
And, most importantly, it raises the immediate question:

“What the fuck is a Brenton?”

That’s exactly the point.

Much like doing a runner, pulling a sickie, or having a stickybeak, the phrase should become an accepted part of the Australian vernacular.

Our Demands

We call upon the Australian people, the English-speaking world, and eventually the relevant linguistic authorities to formally recognise:

💩 Taking a shit → Doing a Brenton

🚽 I need to go to the toilet → I need to do a Brenton

💩💩 I’ve got a particularly bad case → I need to do a sloppy Brenton

This is not merely a petition.

This is linguistic progress.

Sign the petition.

Do your civic duty.

Do a Brenton. He is a poop