We’ve all been there. You’re halfway into a poop at work, perfectly relaxed, when all of a sudden the bathroom goes dark. It’s those motion-sensing bathroom lights and now you’re trapped on the bowl. It's a nightmare...
For those of you that don't know us, we're Matt and Andrew, two writers at Above Average, a comedy website named after the idea of being larger than the sum of all the numbers in a set divided by how many numbers there are.
We come to you with a problem, a serious one that so many across our nation face. The problem of motion-sensor activated bathroom lights. In our office we have exactly FOUR MINUTES and TWENTY SECONDS before the lights shut off in the bathroom. That's all the time we have from the moment we lock the door to the moment we step out of the stall. Lest we face darkness. This leaves us with at most, four minutes for the actual act of pooping.
OUR DEMANDS
Completely abolish the use of motion-sensing bathroom lights.
There is no compromise. We aren’t fighting for an extra minute or two -- we are fighting for freedom from tyranny. We don’t believe in compromise when people are being shamed for a very natural -- perhaps the most natural -- activity. We want these lights banned in every single office in America. We’d like to take this fight global as well, but one step at a time.
SIGN OUR PETITION!
Those lights are the way they are because we let them. The only way for things to change is for more people to take action and speak out. Sign our petition, organize your co-workers and press your boss for better bathroom conditions. Spread the word on social media, speak out to your friends and family, and talk to your stall mate next time you’re in the bathroom. It will be uncomfortable, but change is not always easy.
It’s easy to be apathetic but we are asking to look within yourselves and answer the question, “Can I really push all my excrement out in just four minutes?” The answer is no. And the answer is signing our petition.
Please sign if you want to be on the right side of history.
4 Comments
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Enough.
this is very funny.but u r right about it
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We’ve all been there. You’re halfway into a poop at work, perfectly relaxed, when all of a sudden the bathroom goes dark. It’s those motion-sensing bathroom lights and now you’re trapped on the bowl. It's a nightmare...
For those of you that don't know us, we're Matt and Andrew, two writers at Above Average, a comedy website named after the idea of being larger than the sum of all the numbers in a set divided by how many numbers there are.
We come to you with a problem, a serious one that so many across our nation face. The problem of motion-sensor activated bathroom lights. In our office we have exactly FOUR MINUTES and TWENTY SECONDS before the lights shut off in the bathroom. That's all the time we have from the moment we lock the door to the moment we step out of the stall. Lest we face darkness. This leaves us with at most, four minutes for the actual act of pooping.
OUR DEMANDS
Completely abolish the use of motion-sensing bathroom lights.
There is no compromise. We aren’t fighting for an extra minute or two -- we are fighting for freedom from tyranny. We don’t believe in compromise when people are being shamed for a very natural -- perhaps the most natural -- activity. We want these lights banned in every single office in America. We’d like to take this fight global as well, but one step at a time.
SIGN OUR PETITION!
Those lights are the way they are because we let them. The only way for things to change is for more people to take action and speak out. Sign our petition, organize your co-workers and press your boss for better bathroom conditions. Spread the word on social media, speak out to your friends and family, and talk to your stall mate next time you’re in the bathroom. It will be uncomfortable, but change is not always easy.
It’s easy to be apathetic but we are asking to look within yourselves and answer the question, “Can I really push all my excrement out in just four minutes?” The answer is no. And the answer is signing our petition.
Please sign if you want to be on the right side of history.
4 Comments
this happens to me every single day at work and i literally have to wave my arms around like a maniac while sitting on the toilet. its humiliating.
Make It Happen
Enough.
this is very funny.but u r right about it
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this happens to me every single day at work and i literally have to wave my arms around like a maniac while sitting on the toilet. its humiliating.