We the undersigned petition The Blake School in Minnesota to start the first classical vacuum cleaner team. This is a vital first step toward reintroducing the public to the grace of the classical vacuum cleaner. Modern vacuum cleaners like the Samsung Silencio Silent Vacuum Cleaner, the Roomba, and the Dyson Ball threaten to suck all the fun out of society, destroy intelligence, and cause worldwide muscle atrophy. We support a varsity, junior varsity, and optional C-squad team. Members of The Blake School's classical vacuum cleaner teams will be required to rent or purchase their own classical (upright) vacuum cleaner. Anyone found using a modern vacuum cleaner (or modern add-ons) will not be allowed to participate for the duration of the season. Please consider our request. With your support, we can change the minds of ignorant consumers like Bargain Hunter from Amazon.com.