The people of DC are flocking to Brooklyn en masse. IT'S WRONG!
Yes, Brooklyn has a hip mayor. Yes, Brooklyn is full of cool gay people. No, Brooklyn doesn't have federal armed guards from Florida watching you in the metro.
BUT CONSIDER THIS: it's way easier to be unique in DC. You're the only person wearing denim shorts that long here. EVERYONE IS WEARING SHORTS EVEN LONGER THAN YOURS IN BROOKLYN!
If you're having a bad day in Brooklyn, it might be your fault. If you're having a bad day in DC, you can displace all responsibility for it on the recent closure of your favorite public park and/or the loss of streateries and/or the conservatives on vacation gawking at your unshaven legs. THAT'S REAL FREEDOM!
SIGN HERE to STOP YOUR FRIENDS FROM MOVING TO BROOKLYN.
It's for their own good.
This is so important! My friends need to come back (please)!