Mike Hessman is 37 years old. He is nearing the end of his professional baseball career, or minor league career, if you will. He has tied the record for the most home runs ever in AAA and will soon break it, which proves how powerful of a hitter he can be, but shows that he has not gotten much time to play in the show. With the Detroit Tigers announcing they will be in full-on sell (or reboot) mode, they have practically thrown in the towel on this disappointing season. However, with Detroit's playoff hopes very unlikely, they can still provide a spark in one man's heart by calling up Mike. With the recent addition (and demotion) of Marc Krauss, a guy that was hitting .142 in the majors this year, you have to imagine that whatever small amount of energy that is left in the bat of Mike Hessman has to be enough to outhit Krauss, and likely even Alex Avila. Give this guy one more chance. Let him live his dream once more! Follow @allhailhessman on Twitter and tweet using the hashtag #callupmikehessman
Updates
September 13, 2015
The momentum surrounding this petition has become truly significant. It is heartening to see so many people recognize that Mike Hessman has earned this opportunity to perform at the highest level. We will continue to advocate for this call up until the organization takes notice.
18 Comments
Oye, im jack and mike hessman has also passionately stuck baseball up my ass during sex. I agree with most of the other comments that state that he should be called up, because i also am expecting a child and i have reason to believe that mike is the father. So please give him a chance to play up because he needs to support his many children and sex partners. Once again, OYE im jack signing off
My name is downs. I would like everybody to know that mike hessman is a great man on and off the field. He is the father to my 2 children and i would love for him to get his chance in the majors. Hes hit dozens of balls up my asshole during sex and it just makes me realize how passionate of a man he is. I also want everybody to know that he also had sex with my close friend chris and i know it sure did make him feel special so please guys lets give him one last chance to make an impact on our wonderful game
Yo what up I'm Jake wolf. I went to a game high as shit after snorting 30 lines with my good friends Cameron Shitten and Sean Snortin. Mike hessman saw me snorting lines and shoved a baseball up my ass. Mike hessman knocked me up and I'm expecting in 3 weeks. Call up Mike dude so we can get married and get some money for drugs
Hey im chris i have once again had sex with mike hessman but not for the reason of getting child support. This time for the reason of love. We have fallen in love and i thank the triple a for keeping him humble and not letting him get out of hand with his sex life. We have dna tested all of those alleged children and only 11 of them biologically belong to him which 6 of them being mine. With that being said we are getting married and moving into the greenmonster where we can raise our future star children and have sex in peace
Dear Viewers, I need to make a quick statement about mike hessman before I go to jail and take a black fat Phillys footlong in loose rectum. Yes...sure I engage in child porn but come on give me a break a man he's to get off some way or another. Now mike hessman once came into my restaurant and when I left I became a changed man. He ordered the cold cutt cock and I knew he wasn't messing around. I stood up on the counter and popped my ass like a bag of Doritos as he loged a fungo in my pooter shoot. This man is a legend, and I'm a pervert
Mike Hessman beat my like I beat my kids and made me call him daddy as he stuck baseballs up my ass. I'll be giving birth to his children who I will then beat. Call up Mike hessman
Hello my name is Scott Padlo but everyone calls me big bitch. Mike hessman stuck 13 baseballs up my ass and impregnated me with the force of 1000 Ron Jeremys. I really need the child support because I live in the ostrich exhibit at the zoo and their insurance doesn't cover hessman babies. Please call him up so he can get good payments and take care of our ugly ass monkey children
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Mike Hessman is 37 years old. He is nearing the end of his professional baseball career, or minor league career, if you will. He has tied the record for the most home runs ever in AAA and will soon break it, which proves how powerful of a hitter he can be, but shows that he has not gotten much time to play in the show. With the Detroit Tigers announcing they will be in full-on sell (or reboot) mode, they have practically thrown in the towel on this disappointing season. However, with Detroit's playoff hopes very unlikely, they can still provide a spark in one man's heart by calling up Mike. With the recent addition (and demotion) of Marc Krauss, a guy that was hitting .142 in the majors this year, you have to imagine that whatever small amount of energy that is left in the bat of Mike Hessman has to be enough to outhit Krauss, and likely even Alex Avila. Give this guy one more chance. Let him live his dream once more! Follow @allhailhessman on Twitter and tweet using the hashtag #callupmikehessman
Updates
September 13, 2015
The momentum surrounding this petition has become truly significant. It is heartening to see so many people recognize that Mike Hessman has earned this opportunity to perform at the highest level. We will continue to advocate for this call up until the organization takes notice.
18 Comments
Mike hessman is not only the greatest baseball player but the best in the bedroom
Oye, im jack and mike hessman has also passionately stuck baseball up my ass during sex. I agree with most of the other comments that state that he should be called up, because i also am expecting a child and i have reason to believe that mike is the father. So please give him a chance to play up because he needs to support his many children and sex partners. Once again, OYE im jack signing off
My name is downs. I would like everybody to know that mike hessman is a great man on and off the field. He is the father to my 2 children and i would love for him to get his chance in the majors. Hes hit dozens of balls up my asshole during sex and it just makes me realize how passionate of a man he is. I also want everybody to know that he also had sex with my close friend chris and i know it sure did make him feel special so please guys lets give him one last chance to make an impact on our wonderful game
Yo what up I'm Jake wolf. I went to a game high as shit after snorting 30 lines with my good friends Cameron Shitten and Sean Snortin. Mike hessman saw me snorting lines and shoved a baseball up my ass. Mike hessman knocked me up and I'm expecting in 3 weeks. Call up Mike dude so we can get married and get some money for drugs
Hey im chris i have once again had sex with mike hessman but not for the reason of getting child support. This time for the reason of love. We have fallen in love and i thank the triple a for keeping him humble and not letting him get out of hand with his sex life. We have dna tested all of those alleged children and only 11 of them biologically belong to him which 6 of them being mine. With that being said we are getting married and moving into the greenmonster where we can raise our future star children and have sex in peace
Dear Viewers, I need to make a quick statement about mike hessman before I go to jail and take a black fat Phillys footlong in loose rectum. Yes...sure I engage in child porn but come on give me a break a man he's to get off some way or another. Now mike hessman once came into my restaurant and when I left I became a changed man. He ordered the cold cutt cock and I knew he wasn't messing around. I stood up on the counter and popped my ass like a bag of Doritos as he loged a fungo in my pooter shoot. This man is a legend, and I'm a pervert
Mike Hessman beat my like I beat my kids and made me call him daddy as he stuck baseballs up my ass. I'll be giving birth to his children who I will then beat. Call up Mike hessman
Hello my name is Scott Padlo but everyone calls me big bitch. Mike hessman stuck 13 baseballs up my ass and impregnated me with the force of 1000 Ron Jeremys. I really need the child support because I live in the ostrich exhibit at the zoo and their insurance doesn't cover hessman babies. Please call him up so he can get good payments and take care of our ugly ass monkey children
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Mike hessman is not only the greatest baseball player but the best in the bedroom