Call up Mike Hessman to the MLB!!!

Yo what up I'm Jake wolf. I went to a game high as shit after snorting 30 lines with my good friends Cameron Shitten and Sean Snortin. Mike hessman saw me snorting lines and shoved a baseball up my ass. Mike hessman knocked me up and I'm expecting in 3 weeks. Call up Mike dude so we can get married and get some money for drugs

Hey im chris i have once again had sex with mike hessman but not for the reason of getting child support. This time for the reason of love. We have fallen in love and i thank the triple a for keeping him humble and not letting him get out of hand with his sex life. We have dna tested all of those alleged children and only 11 of them biologically belong to him which 6 of them being mine. With that being said we are getting married and moving into the greenmonster where we can raise our future star children and have sex in peace

Dear Viewers, I need to make a quick statement about mike hessman before I go to jail and take a black fat Phillys footlong in loose rectum. Yes...sure I engage in child porn but come on give me a break a man he's to get off some way or another. Now mike hessman once came into my restaurant and when I left I became a changed man. He ordered the cold cutt cock and I knew he wasn't messing around. I stood up on the counter and popped my ass like a bag of Doritos as he loged a fungo in my pooter shoot. This man is a legend, and I'm a pervert

Mike Hessman beat my like I beat my kids and made me call him daddy as he stuck baseballs up my ass. I'll be giving birth to his children who I will then beat. Call up Mike hessman

10 years ago Featured

Mike hessman is not only the greatest baseball player but the best in the bedroom

Hello my name is Scott Padlo but everyone calls me big bitch. Mike hessman stuck 13 baseballs up my ass and impregnated me with the force of 1000 Ron Jeremys. I really need the child support because I live in the ostrich exhibit at the zoo and their insurance doesn't cover hessman babies. Please call him up so he can get good payments and take care of our ugly ass monkey children

My name is Chris isaacs. The first time I saw Mike hessman I could hardly hide my tiny throbbing erection. After the game Mike came up to me and said "son I'm gonna turn you into a ball player". I gladly removed my pants and spread my cheeks, eagerly awaiting Mike hessmans enormous cock. He proceeded to penetrate my loose rectum as tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. I have recently found out that the semen from hessmans gigantic dick actually impregnated me through my ass. I'm having quintuplets. Thank you Mike Hessman I hope you are called up soon

Yo my name is mitten. Mike hessman has snorted lines of cocaine with me multiple times, granted that his intention was to get me very high and stick baseballs up my ass, but the fact of the matter is that he takes time to do activities with normal people no matter how much of a fuck they are. He also is the father of twins which i am expected to give birth to in about 6 weeks. I am only asking for the child support to make sure my kids grow up right and do the exact amount of cocaine necessary for everyday life. Please call up mike hessman because his sex life requires a salary that isnt triple A shit money. Thanks yo

Hey my name is logan, i recently threw a party at my friend chris' house when he was out of town and it got out of hand. Mike hessman came and just started going at it. No assholes went un-fucked. This shows that he is clearly dedicated to his craft, also he stuck 3 golf balls up each of chris' pets asses which seemed impossible but you should never underestimate mike hessman. Chris hates me now because he thinks all of the semen left behind was just normal semen. But when he doesnt know is that every single drop of that jizz is from mike hessman himself. He impregnated multiple people at the party and also gave me reason to believe that he has 52 alleged children that need support. So please call him up for September so he can pay the people from the party who are expecting a baby within the next couple months

10 years ago Featured

Oye, im jack and mike hessman has also passionately stuck baseball up my ass during sex. I agree with most of the other comments that state that he should be called up, because i also am expecting a child and i have reason to believe that mike is the father. So please give him a chance to play up because he needs to support his many children and sex partners. Once again, OYE im jack signing off

Hey, i was waiting outside of smokers today for it to open and thought about why hessman hasnt been called up. I need the child-support asap. Hessman has just impregnated me for the 3rd time and we have a boy on the way and i need a way to put food on the table and this triple A shit isnt working. I am going to make him stop putting golf balls up my asshole during sex if he doesnt get called by september so please make us a happy family again and call him up!!

Hey my name is trevor and im a crap friend so i am going to disagree with chris's comment. Mike hessman is a bum and he cant hit over .200 in the majors so he shouldnt be called up. Once again im a crap friend. Chris isaacs is fat

Hey mine name is slop. People like to call me big sloppy because i resemble a 5 foot 2 200 pound david ortiz. I truly believe that mike hessman should be called up because ive always wanted to stop going to fucking bulls games to watch him play but my brother makes me haul every damn time he comes to town. I would really appreciate it if you called him up so i didnt have to watch my brother have anal sex with him in the bathroom after games. Thanks

10 years ago Featured

My name is downs. I would like everybody to know that mike hessman is a great man on and off the field. He is the father to my 2 children and i would love for him to get his chance in the majors. Hes hit dozens of balls up my asshole during sex and it just makes me realize how passionate of a man he is. I also want everybody to know that he also had sex with my close friend chris and i know it sure did make him feel special so please guys lets give him one last chance to make an impact on our wonderful game

I love hessman so much just as much as I like a sweet onion chicken teriyaki footling on whole grain he needs to go pro if he Dosnent I'm gonna make him live in my basement Ps I'm a bum and so is Chris

Chris is a bum and made me sign this. #cuthessman2015

Mike is the best player to ever pick up a glove

I just saw Hessman yesterday in Durham and got to see the ceremony they held for him before the game. I got a chance to get a ball signed by him, sweet spot of course on an official major league baseball that's never been used. It is now in a plastic cube and will remain there as one of my most valued signed balls. He also was kind enough to take a picture with me and I got to shake his hand and tell him it is an honor to meet him and I wished him good luck. He told me he really appreciated that and I felt like I made an impact to him and his day somehow and it felt great thinking about that. I would like to do everything I can to get him up this season. September is close and this could be his chance as the rosters will expand to allow 40 players to be on the active team. I hope the Tigers front office can find it in their heart to give him a chance and do the right thing and realize how much time he's given to the great game at a level under the majors. We may never see someone come close to the amount of home runs he's hit in the minors and even in the International League. I really hope this can help get him to the place he should be and where he should have spent the majority of his career.