Capt. Pointy Should Buy Us Things
In the dark world of today, only material possessions can bring a true smile in the faces of man, woman, and child alike. This petition is to further bring happiness through material gain by inspiring one of our own to give in to the magic of commerce and the beautiful wreck that is capitalism. As pirates, we know not the magic of non-material possession, we are blind in this manner, but with your help, we can learn how to see. We will learn that thinking only of ourselves is wrong, and thinking of others is the only thing can keep this crazy madcap world from falling apart. However, change cannot begin without a catalyst, and this petition will serve exactly that. With your signatures, we can enthrall our very own Captain Pointy in order to see the beauty of giving by giving us, his friends, his allies, the very people who he joined by writing his name in blood, the things we want and what we deserve. So please sign, it’s for the greater good.