I would like to have Bryce C Van Buren play Outlast. The last time he played, he accosted my dear friend Brooke. I would like to revisit this experience, but in a safe place. But Bryce hath refused. But think of the fun, the laughs. The joy of horror that Bryce has prevented himself from feeling. Think of all those moments you’ve had, recreationally scared. That feeling of tension and fear, the laughter born from relief when it’s over. Bryce is missing out on that cathartic release, and it is our duty as citizens to bring this thrill to him.

I know together we can make this happen. That is why I am asking you, my brothers and sisters and non-binary beans, to sign this petition. Together anything is possible. Together, we can change the world. We have built the pyramids and the Great Wall. There is a Tesla orbiting Mars. We bullied Jeff Fowler into redesigning Sonic in six months. When humanity puts it’s great minds together anything can happen. And if anything is possible, so is this.

We CAN live in society where Bryce has played Outlast. We CAN harvest the power of peer pressure, forcing a grown man with full autonomy to bend to our collective will. Let’s build a better tomorrow. A tomorrow filled with hope. A tomorrow where truly anything, anything, can happen. Won’t you sign my petition?