United States Fish and Wildlife Services says that the government organization will include the elusive Sasquatch, more popularly known as Bigfoot, on its list of endangered species. Sasquatch habitat has been severely diminished over recent decades. The official FWS stance is that this is due to Anthropogenic Global Warming as well as urban sprawl and human encroachment in inland Oregon and Washington State where the Sasquatch population is believed to be most prevalent in the U.S. FWS scientists estimate there may be fewer than three dozen Sasquatches remaining in both states combined. The total number of these legendary bipeds in the Canadian province of British Columbia may be double that, although much reduced from historic highs in the thousands only two centuries ago, according to the FWS.

“The very paucity of Sasquatch sightings in our own lifetimes is evidence of human carelessness and disregard,” Ms. Faroosh said. “We share this earth with other species who have every right to exist here, and our actions should reflect our appreciation of that fact.” The spokesperson went on to say that a majority of the land best suited for Sasquatch habitat is currently under private ownership, but that with the new ruling, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service is empowered to take control of those lands and place them under a federal management program designed to restore endangered populations to previous levels. “The fewer sightings there are, the stronger the proof of our negligence as a society,” Ms. Faroosh said. “It is the Sasquatch children who suffer most.”

Sources confirm that Canadian authorities have been approached by the FWS regarding a joint effort in land management benefiting the Sasquatch. Lieutenant Governor Judith Guichon of British Columbia, whose province is believed by U.S. government environmental scientists to be home to the largest population of Sasquatches in North America, has failed to respond so far, other than handing out copies of the FWS letter during a holiday party. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has issued no official response, but was inadvertently caught on camera rolling his eyes during a telephone communication on the issue with the FWS director’s office, say sources close to the prime minister.

DNA has proven without a doubt that sasquatch are part human and part unknown origin. There is some precedent for the proposal: Similar quasi-legal measures protecting unknown creatures have been suggested or passed, for example protecting the Canadian monsters“Memphre” (of Quebec’s Lake Memphremagog) and “Caddy” (of British Columbia’s Cadboro Bay). “Champ,” the lake monster said to inhabit Lake Champlain, is “officially” protected by both the New York State Assembly and the Vermont Legislature.

It is time to take this matter seriously and include Sasquatch on the endangered species list in Canada.