I am a grieving mother who lost her beautiful baby boy at 19 weeks pregnant. It was the hardest experience, emotionally and physically, I have ever had to go through - being in labour and knowing there wouldn't be a happy outcome, Yet, I wasn't entitled to the full 3 days paid bereavement leave. I got paid one day which was at the discretion of my employer. Why? Because legally (in New Zealand) a baby who hasn't reached 20 weeks gestation isn't classed as an immediate family member.
I disagree with this completely and this issue needs to be addressed. My partner was paid the full three days; it shouldn't be at the discretion of the employer. This doesn't seem fair and it needs to change by law.
Although I would like to see more support for all women who lose a baby at any stage, my focus is post first trimester (13 weeks) when your baby becomes a foetus and the risk of miscarriage greatly reduces. Unfortunately, it does still happen, and it is one of the hardest things a woman will ever have to go through. Where's the support? Who decides when your baby is considered immediate family?
We waited, as most do, until we'd reached the second trimester before telling the world our little bundle of joy was on the way. I had felt him kicking and moving since 15 weeks and my partner had also felt his kicks. We had numerous ultrasound scans, scan photos to fill the photo album and heard his heart beating. He felt like a family member to us...... and yet he's not legally considered 'immediate family'..? This doesn't seem right or fair. Please help us change this! Bereavement is about the loss felt, not medical categorisation.
The lack of financial support also has implications for women going back to work before they are physically and mentally ready.
I want to see this law changed for the next parents who may go through this. It shouldn't be left up to the employer to decide. Being entitled to three days paid bereavement leave isn't a lot to ask. These angels are our children and we need more financial support from the government to help us through these devastating times.
We are so proud to call you our son DJ, mummy and daddy will always always love you, fly high little angel xxxxx
Updates
October 17, 2014
I honestly did not think this would gain this much steam when I first wrote it out late at night. Seeing so many people show up and validate that this pain is real makes me feel a lot less isolated than I felt in those first weeks. It is just so overwhelming to realize I am finally being heard after being told that my son was not enough for the law to care.
Reached 100 supporters
October 17, 2014
22 Comments
I hav been thru this recently and had to use my sick leave. even had to provide a medical certificate
I have also been through this a couple of times and in my experience it's so tough to understand mentally but to physically go through this awful process and have to work while pretending to be happy is just wrong! My employer however was wonderful both times, but I understand not every boss is this way! Things need to change for the better!!
I agree i lost my son at 16weeks (4months) and it takes alot to get through it so legally everyone should b in titled to 3 days pay for bereavement leave its alot emotionally and physically for ur body and mind to go through people should understand that and the government needs to make change alright! I send my love to u and ur family my thoughts r with u sorry for ur loss I know how hard it is. take care
having suffered 4 recurrent miscarriages I fully understand the need to have time to grieve. I am self employed and was able to take time off. You should be able to take time off even when employed. Hopefully this becomes a reality
I too have been here and not allowed bereavement leave. As soon as you know you are pregnant, you are a family! This is wrong and even then, three days is not enough!
I personally believe all pregnant woman no matter how far along should be entitled to at least three days bereavement leave.
I had no idea, this definitely needs to change!
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I am a grieving mother who lost her beautiful baby boy at 19 weeks pregnant. It was the hardest experience, emotionally and physically, I have ever had to go through - being in labour and knowing there wouldn't be a happy outcome, Yet, I wasn't entitled to the full 3 days paid bereavement leave. I got paid one day which was at the discretion of my employer. Why? Because legally (in New Zealand) a baby who hasn't reached 20 weeks gestation isn't classed as an immediate family member.
I disagree with this completely and this issue needs to be addressed. My partner was paid the full three days; it shouldn't be at the discretion of the employer. This doesn't seem fair and it needs to change by law.
Although I would like to see more support for all women who lose a baby at any stage, my focus is post first trimester (13 weeks) when your baby becomes a foetus and the risk of miscarriage greatly reduces. Unfortunately, it does still happen, and it is one of the hardest things a woman will ever have to go through. Where's the support? Who decides when your baby is considered immediate family?
We waited, as most do, until we'd reached the second trimester before telling the world our little bundle of joy was on the way. I had felt him kicking and moving since 15 weeks and my partner had also felt his kicks. We had numerous ultrasound scans, scan photos to fill the photo album and heard his heart beating. He felt like a family member to us...... and yet he's not legally considered 'immediate family'..? This doesn't seem right or fair. Please help us change this! Bereavement is about the loss felt, not medical categorisation.
The lack of financial support also has implications for women going back to work before they are physically and mentally ready.
I want to see this law changed for the next parents who may go through this. It shouldn't be left up to the employer to decide. Being entitled to three days paid bereavement leave isn't a lot to ask. These angels are our children and we need more financial support from the government to help us through these devastating times.
We are so proud to call you our son DJ, mummy and daddy will always always love you, fly high little angel xxxxx
Updates
October 17, 2014
I honestly did not think this would gain this much steam when I first wrote it out late at night. Seeing so many people show up and validate that this pain is real makes me feel a lot less isolated than I felt in those first weeks. It is just so overwhelming to realize I am finally being heard after being told that my son was not enough for the law to care.
Reached 100 supporters
October 17, 2014
22 Comments
I feel incredibly sad that you and your family must endure the worst pain ❤ as a mother who lost her first child at 32 weeks and a business person who employs people, I find it terrible on your employees part that you were not granted 3 days bereavement - this to me is morally wrong ! Stay strong mumma ❤
I hav been thru this recently and had to use my sick leave. even had to provide a medical certificate
I have also been through this a couple of times and in my experience it's so tough to understand mentally but to physically go through this awful process and have to work while pretending to be happy is just wrong! My employer however was wonderful both times, but I understand not every boss is this way! Things need to change for the better!!
I agree i lost my son at 16weeks (4months) and it takes alot to get through it so legally everyone should b in titled to 3 days pay for bereavement leave its alot emotionally and physically for ur body and mind to go through people should understand that and the government needs to make change alright! I send my love to u and ur family my thoughts r with u sorry for ur loss I know how hard it is. take care
having suffered 4 recurrent miscarriages I fully understand the need to have time to grieve. I am self employed and was able to take time off. You should be able to take time off even when employed. Hopefully this becomes a reality
I too have been here and not allowed bereavement leave. As soon as you know you are pregnant, you are a family! This is wrong and even then, three days is not enough!
I personally believe all pregnant woman no matter how far along should be entitled to at least three days bereavement leave.
I had no idea, this definitely needs to change!
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I feel incredibly sad that you and your family must endure the worst pain ❤ as a mother who lost her first child at 32 weeks and a business person who employs people, I find it terrible on your employees part that you were not granted 3 days bereavement - this to me is morally wrong ! Stay strong mumma ❤