Jenna J 0

Stop the Big Trouble In Little China Remake!

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As described on, "Truck driver Jack Burton arrives in Chinatown, San Francisco, and goes to the airport with his Chinese friend Wang Chi to welcome his green-eyed fiancée Miao Yin who is arriving from China. However she is kidnapped on the arrival by a Chinese street gang and Jack and Wang chase the group. Soon they learn that the powerful evil sorcerer called David Lo Pan, who has been cursed more than two thousand years ago to exist without physical body, needs to marry a woman with green eyes to retrieve his physical body and Miao is the chosen one. Jack and Wang team-up with the lawyer Gracie Law, the bus driver and sorcerer apprentice Egg Shen and their friends and embark in a great adventure in the underground of Chinatown, where they face a world of magicians and magic, monsters and martial arts fighters."

Sounds pretty ridiculous right? Well it is. And it's also bad-ass. I, like many, grew up watching, memorizing, and loving this cult classic. It's a gem, a must-see, a hell of a good time. And Hollywood should be keeping their dirty paws off of it.

We've all sat through many unnecessary remakes in the past several years. Very recently there seems to be an influx of announcements from studios saying they're remaking perfectly good movies that need no face-lift or revisiting, and I've begrudgingly accepted that this is now the way of things. We forgave them their trespasses because they gave us the Marvel Cinematic Universe, a Tobey Maguire-less Spiderman, and a Mad Max that spits in the face of misogyny and social expectations. But you've gone too far, Hollywood. You've gone too too far.

I now ask that all who stand for justice, and who wish to protect the sanctity of Jack Burton and all who bravely fought beside him to defeat evil, to sign this petition.

As Jack Burton once said, "Son of a bitch must pay!"

We're coming for you, Hollywood.

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