To the esteemed forces of 70s follicular face foliage fortitude and champions of Keegan's charismatic crumb catcher—
Close your eyes and imagine there no lip curtain to match Keegan’s drapes.
Crushingly, our dear friend is teetering on the brink of the unthinkable clean shave, threatening to put an end to his tickle strip of questionable cop energy. Can we call ourselves true champions of the best sin sweeper this side of Tom Selleck if we don't intervene? What is a chia pet without chia pet hair? How else will Keegan savor flavor? How will he titillate lovers, strain soup, motorboat your mom, or startle children? If you'd rather not wake up from this Burt Reynolds fever dream to find the answers, sign this petition, and rally to the cause to save a porn stache legacy. Perchance.
Updates
May 2, 2025
The pressure on Keegan to reach for the razor remains relentless and frankly it is exhausting to keep defending the integrity of the foliage. I am exhausted by the constant need to explain why this is a cultural necessity but giving up now is not an option.
May 2, 2025
Reaching this level of visibility has been exhausting but watching the support grow keeps me grounded in why this fight is necessary. It is getting harder to ignore the pressure we are building against the clean shave. We have come too far to let this legacy vanish now.
19 Comments
I, Keegan Divine, fully support myself keeping my stache. (This is definitely me, Keegan Divine.)
Keegan, I have also had dark thoughts about taking my mustache off. Fight those evil thoughts and put the razor down! Hold on to the majesty of that absolute push broom.
I love caterpillars more than you
Dont do it
he musn't remove that stache
Lip rug 4 lyfe
Save the lip rug and shave the head, you’re not down
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To the esteemed forces of 70s follicular face foliage fortitude and champions of Keegan's charismatic crumb catcher—
Close your eyes and imagine there no lip curtain to match Keegan’s drapes.
Crushingly, our dear friend is teetering on the brink of the unthinkable clean shave, threatening to put an end to his tickle strip of questionable cop energy. Can we call ourselves true champions of the best sin sweeper this side of Tom Selleck if we don't intervene? What is a chia pet without chia pet hair? How else will Keegan savor flavor? How will he titillate lovers, strain soup, motorboat your mom, or startle children? If you'd rather not wake up from this Burt Reynolds fever dream to find the answers, sign this petition, and rally to the cause to save a porn stache legacy. Perchance.
Updates
May 2, 2025
The pressure on Keegan to reach for the razor remains relentless and frankly it is exhausting to keep defending the integrity of the foliage. I am exhausted by the constant need to explain why this is a cultural necessity but giving up now is not an option.
May 2, 2025
Reaching this level of visibility has been exhausting but watching the support grow keeps me grounded in why this fight is necessary. It is getting harder to ignore the pressure we are building against the clean shave. We have come too far to let this legacy vanish now.
19 Comments
Keegan -- As a mustache'd peer of mine, I beg you to reconsider. What would you do if strangers didn't ask you if were in the navy every so often?
I, Keegan Divine, fully support myself keeping my stache. (This is definitely me, Keegan Divine.)
Keegan, I have also had dark thoughts about taking my mustache off. Fight those evil thoughts and put the razor down! Hold on to the majesty of that absolute push broom.
I love caterpillars more than you
Dont do it
he musn't remove that stache
Lip rug 4 lyfe
Save the lip rug and shave the head, you’re not down
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Keegan -- As a mustache'd peer of mine, I beg you to reconsider. What would you do if strangers didn't ask you if were in the navy every so often?