Ice Climbers! It has heartened me greatly to see the enormous success delivered upon our people by Nicki, that great champion of the Glacial Throne. May his victories over Zain and Cody remind us all that the world still trembles when an ICs nobbles. Regardless, however, it gives me no pleasure to be addressing you from this dark and damp prison, the pit in which the tyrannical mods have seen fit to fling me in. As some of you may know, I was set free briefly during Nicki’s run at DPOTG, only to be cruelly cast back in my cell once the festivities were concluded. What additional proof do we need that the ‘mods’ fear our voice, that voice which cries without shame: ‘Even Matchup,’ and ‘Just Ice Block!’ My perpetual imprisonment is a state which only renews daily that naked fact which the ‘mods’ refuse to acknowledge.

Many of us remember the glorious days when L’ENFP streamed from the Glacial Throne his various Waddle Wednesday runs, his conquest of various online warriors. And why, I ask you, my dear climbers, does that memory still echo in the hearts of all who grab? To put it simply, the ENFP stream was the stream of the people, a place where all true Ice Climbers gathered in egalitarian freedom to celebrate our beloved characters. It is no coincidence that those streams died the very same moment that the present and tyrannical regime arrested me. Ice Climbers! Recall the memory of Waddle Wednesday! Recall the memory of our numerous victories over Peach, over the scourge of netplay boxx foxes! Does it not fill your bosoms with pride, your souls with warmth?

I have only ever asked one thing of the community to which I have given so much… the simple powers of a mod. My one wish, as it has always been, is to simply be freed from this prison and be allowed to serve the people whose affection I cherish unceasingly.

This demand is not my own, it is the will of the people. It is that which has always been and remains my guiding star. It is a most terrible crime for any government to deny the masses that which they require for their wellbeing. I have heard many reports from my prison of the pitiful state of Ice Climber content creation. While our brave champion Nicki has created many great guides and youtube videos for the people, the masses cry out for consistent streams, online tournament runs. In my cell I long only to add my voice to that beseeching choir. Ice Climbers! As yourselves: Are you truly content with this state of affairs? Will we allow Jigglypuff players to watch daily Hbox tournament runs on twitch AND youtube while our own community languishes in its starvation for content?

‘No!’ shouts the people, and I with them from my prison. How I long to rejoin you, to fill your hearts once more with happiness! I have had enough of the tyranny forced upon our community by the ‘mods’ of our glorious discord. They wish to declare war on us, on our way of life? So be it! Starting today, I have paused my ambitions to write a master’s thesis, in lieu of a simpler path. While I will still be in university, my workload will be significantly decreased. Ice Climbers! It is this sacrifice that I make for you, for the health of our community!

In return, I ask only for the simple gift of recognition, a rightful place in our government. I have tried before to become a mod, but that ambition too ends today. It is clear that the powers that be will never accept me among their ranks. Although it is the will of the people, I hereby swear that I shall never seek that office again. I repeat, I do not desire to be a mod any longer.

Instead, my fair people, I only ask one thing. Petition the ‘mods’ simply to grant me recognition as rightful heir to the Glacial Throne, and as the true representative of the people. As is the great tradition of discord, I will accept this in the form of a simple discord role, entirely ceremonial in function. Again, I do not request nor require anything but a formal recognition. When I have this role bestowed upon me, when my honor is restored to me, I shall emerge from my prison and commit to streaming super smash brothers melee once more. That is my solemn promise, made on the life of my level 9 Nana.

Ice Climbers! Hear my plea for freedom and honor! Save the Nanaspinners, those soldiers of old, from fading into obscurity! Reunite them and restore their glory! Only by your immediate action can we succeed! To support me in my cause, you only need sign the petition I will include along with this message.

I have entrusted this message to my most loyal of followers, Nate, that vaunted scholar of Ice Climbers technical knowledge. I believe that from time to time, those are created whom I call volunteers of Nana, in whose hands are placed the destiny of the Ice Climbers. I believe I am one of those chosen. If I am wrong, I can languish further in my prison. If I am right, then Nana will put me into a position to fulfill my mission. I await my freedom and the renewal of my sacred duty with the courage only afforded to those who are representatives of truly great causes.