We, the undersigned, formally declare that Kevin and Ian have gone long enough without drinking, and it’s time they stop being soft and rejoin the ranks of the boys. This weekend’s party requires all hands on deck, and that includes holding a drink, not just a LaCroix.

Reasons for this necessary intervention include:
1. The group’s testosterone levels drop every time they say “Nah, I’m good.”
2. Nobody wants to hear about “Europe” again—it’s months away, bro.
3. Kevin turns into an absolute menace after 3 beers, and we need that energy.
4. Ian once shotgun a Four Loko in a hot tub—don’t let that legend die.
5. One night won’t kill the progress, but it might save the party.
6. Honestly, you’re both being huge p*s.
By signing this, we officially demand that Kevin and Ian:
• Man up.
• Take a shot.
• Stop pretending they’re on a cleanse.
• Give the people what they want.

Sign below to pressure them into doing the right thing: