For Governor Abbott to Call the Border Crisis an Invasion

My wife says with all the farting I do, my UNDERWEAR could be used as a BIO-WEAPON!

Nothing but SLACK-JAWED FAGG0TS in this country!

Close the border now. This is an invasion of my ¢unt!

I caught my employees playing their playstation five at work! I asked them if they want an ASSIGNMENT SLIP or a PINK SLIP?!

Close the border now. This is an invasive on our country and our federal government I feel is doing this on purpose and a dereliction of their duty. I have never witnessed anything this bad in my life with any President.

My wife put on THREE perfumes at once! She smells like an ITALIAN WH0RE!

I ate some bad TEX MEX, so I'm indisposed. TAKING A DUMP INDISPOSED!

I gave up SLEEPING. It's a bad habit, like smoking.

I'm just a lab rat to my wife. She's implanting NANO-CORTICAL FIBERS in my brain. She's going to irradiate my brain cells. Farewell!

My piece of American crap computer messed up! I meant to say throwing up!

Whoever wrote that McKean comment, I'm not amused. Those words make me feel like a up!

Which are you.... A. SPIC B. GUIDO C. FAGG0T D. N-I-G-G-E-R

We now return to Gilligan's island MARY ANN: my entire lingerie collection is missing! THE SKIPPER: somebody stole those panties. (Canned laughter)

I snorted some bad mugwort!

Hey, old man. Just die already! We want your FU¢KING MONEY!!!

Looks like that TOM SIZEMORE CA-CA is near his EXPIRATION DATE! Happy holidays to his family!♥️

My wife thinks I need therapy. I like watching people being EXECUTED, gunshot wound to the head.

I found my husband on the ground with puncture wounds on his neck. Katie Searfoss said she injected her nanoprobes into his bloodstream. He's becoming a drone.

I'm in trouble! I was pretending my dad's nail gun was a real gun, I was firing it outside and my neighbor got a nail in his eye!

I thought we had a president named USELESS S GRANT. What kind of name is ULYSSES?!