For Governor Abbott to Call the Border Crisis an Invasion

My parents gave me a gimp name! NIPSEY?! What am I? NIPSEY the nipple-head?! I'm glad I'm dead.

My favorite Alex Trebek show is CLASSIC CONCENTRATION CAMP!

I went on MATCH GAME PM. When the star wheel didn't land on the double money, I spun the star wheel so hard it flew off and cut GENE RAYBIRD in the crotch.

I love the original match game with GENE RAYBIRD. The losing contestants got taken to the DISPOSAL UNIT.

I thought my wifes ASS was a SCRATCH-N-SN*FF card.

One of them aliens from SIGNS was on my roof in the middle of the night. I went outside and yelled at it: HEY! YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE!!!

We WERE going to have home made pizza for dinner. I took the pizza out of the stove, burned myself, and tossed the pizza into the air. Pizza went into the kitchen ceiling fan and chopped it up. Pizza all over our faces.

We WERE going to have lobsters for dinner. I picked up the boiling pot, burned myself, and dropped the pot. Pot made a loud banging sound as it hit the floor. Lobsters pinching their claws everywhere.

We WERE going to have spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. No one told me they left the plate with all the spaghetti on my chair. I sat without looking and burned myself. Spaghetti sauce and meatballs all over my ass. Bastard kids couldn't stop laughing.

We WERE going to have home baked cake for dessert. No one told me the pan was hot. I picked up the pan, burned myself, and I dropped the cake. Cake and icing everywhere. No more cake☹️

We WERE going to have potatoes for dinner. When I picked up the boiling pot, I burned myself and dropped the pot. Pot made loud banging sounds as it hit the floor. Potatoes and hot water everywhere!

We WERE going to have a cookout today. When I picked up my tiny grill while the charcoal was still flaming, I burned myself and dropped the grill. Grill made loud banging sounds when it hit the ground. Flaming charcoal and broken grill parts everywhere. Bastard kids couldn't stop laughing.

I opened up my JAPANESE-MEXICAN restaurant. It's called MIGUEL-SAN.

How am I supposed to get horny with my wife wearing PERIOD PROOF PANTIES!

I love watching the Nazi in Call of duty WWII slowly stab my character. Watching someone being put to a slow death.♥️

My state is in a draught, they're asking us to conserve water. I told them about I go a MONTH without BATHING.

Since my PENIS can't function, my wife jammed a SEX TOY up my ANAL HOLE. She says shes gonna slice off my non-functional PENIS. Very sad.

YOU HAVE DONE THIS! Poisoned her against me! I'll deal with you, Ms. Brink, as I deal with everyone who betrays me!

My wife says I have more hair on my BALLS then on my HEAD!

We WERE going to eat potatoes for dinner. When I picked up the boiling pot, I burned myself and dropped the pot. Pot made a loud banging sound as it hit the floor. Potatoes and hot water on the ground!