For Governor Abbott to Call the Border Crisis an Invasion

I CONFISCATE my Aunt Debbie's panties and use them as baby bl*nkies!

I snorted some bad MUGWORT!

Charlie Eppes had an INBREEDING chart in his house!

I'm a Jew that supported HITLER! Go figure!

Whenever someone knocks on our door, I yell to my son, GET THE $HIT KICKING DOOR!

I'm never going to AMISH COUNTRY ever again! AMISH COUNTRY is totally lawless. I'm talking about METH LABS, RAPE GANGS, PEOPLE'S HEADS CHOPPED OFF--

My wife says our sex is lousy since I got TESTICULAR CANCER ☹️

My boss asked me, I don't suppose you can work another shift? I said to him, I don't suppose you can KISS MY ASS?

My bastard son purposely threw the football at my groin while playing catch!

I went to rob the donut shop down the street from me, when I walked in I yelled, GIVE ME YOUR MONEY! Then I saw 30 cops in the donut shop. I'm not that smart!

My daughter, Amber, wears 6XL size panties! When I held her panties out and saw the size of them, I was like---WHOA!

I suffer from depression. I drink, do drugs, I SLIT MY WRISTS--uh--

I created an organization known as Criminals Utilizing New Technologies

When garden season is done, instead of pulling out the plants, I use my grenade launcher to blow up the plants! Neighbors called the FBI

I want to shoot TRUMP in the face!

After my vocal cords were sliced, I had a voice box installed. It helps me make sounds!

My PENIS is a V.I.P. A VERY IMPORTANT PENIS!

I've done something very strange. I rearranged the stones on the medicine wheel.

If people want information from me, I break their fingers as payment.

I went to MY funeral today. It was a beautiful ceremony.