For Governor Abbott to Call the Border Crisis an Invasion

My wife isn't even an A-CUP! What the hell did I marry her for?!!!!!

My wife has small TITS, I asked her, how does she enjoy the A-CUP life?

Look at all these ball-sack-ass-niiggaz!

I'm a SPEED manufacturer --I make SPEED DEODORANT!

Goodbye to my Juan, goodbye rosalita, a dios me amigo, have you seen maria?

I always wanted to watch my son BANG a FOOTBALL PLAYER. So I hired a quarterback to sleep with my son. Then I yelled at my son, GET IN THE BEDROOM, when he refused.

I have medical issues, like PENIS WITHDRAWAL and SCHLONGUS INTERRUPTUS!

Ay, yi, yi, yi, slustrin and leglory. I don't know about pechu --(explosion)

My father asked me if I want to be a CHEF like him. I said no, I'd rather be a MAN!

My boss says I need to treat him with more respect. So I grabbed his neck and pointed my finger in his face!

I'm not racist, I just don't want to live next to ILLEGAL BEANERS!

I had an inspiration last night. The ERADICATION of DISABLED people will save America two billion dollars per year!

My mom is a TRUMP supporter! I'm so ASHAMED!!

Kids are bastards! I had trick or treaters at my door, they hit me on the head and stole the bowl of candy! No more! Finito! Never again with Halloween!

My wife sprays every room in the house cause of all the farting I do! What is she trying to say?!

My wife says she was gagging because of my dirty underwear everywhere! What is she trying to say?!

You guys better get the hell outta here, there's a killer on the loose! A murderer, man, a real psycho! He's cuttin' people's heads off! I'm not kiddin'!

I knew my wife eats too much! I looked at the size tags in all her thongs and they all said XXXL

I'm going to have a memorial service for them scrambled eggs I wasted when I dumped them down the sink! SAD!

Kendra says I need therapy. I fell out of bed screaming because of them scrambled eggs I dumped down the sink!