For Governor Abbott to Call the Border Crisis an Invasion

I like to sing in the shower. I use my PENIS as a microphone. I really jerk that thing around while singing!

When Hank cheated on me with that transgender creature, I flushed my rings down the toilet, I threw our wedding photos in the pool, I crapped on his wedding suit---uh

Wanna hear what my wife gave me for Christmas? An appointment for a PENILE IMPLANT surgery! Ouch, my pride!

My husband has terrible aim. You should see our TOILET SEAT!

SINGING: The rules that CONSTRAIN other men--mean nothing to MCBAIN!!!! (Music continues) The fascists causing PAIN--two other men--

I went out on a date with this hot blonde and came home with a souvenir --HER PANTY!

I love sitting on my nephew Seymour's baby bl*nkey after being washed. It's tall, fluffy and I wiggle around on his bl*nkey. I could sit at my computer all day with his bl*nkey under my butt!

I have three yellow baby bl*nkies. Aunt Debbie likes to sit on a different one everyday while at work at home on her computer as a cushion. I washed bl*nkey today. Aunt Debbie captured bl*nkey and sat on him. The fabric softener smell was replaced by her sexy lotion butt smell!

My bastard kids are F**KERS! They didn't appreciate their Christmas gifts, so I tore down the tree already and threw it in the RUBBISH BIN! NO MORE CHRISTMAS!

My bastard kids are F**KERS. Instead of buying me a Christmas present, they just wrapped up some old underwear of mine! MERRY F**CKIN' CHRISTMAS!

My bastard kids are F**KERS! I bought them a lot of crap for Christmas, and still they stole everything from my wallet! NO MORE CHRISTMAS!

A gremlin was hiding in my Christmas tree. When it jumped out, the tree came crashing down on me!

I told my bastard children they had to wait for Christmas for their presents. Little F**KERS hit me on the head and stole their presents! NO MORE CHRISTMAS!

I bought my wife a playstation 5 for Christmas. She bought me a single thing of GUM! MERRY F**CKIN' CHRISTMAS!

My neighbor gave me a FRUITCAKE with an ASS PRINT on it for my Christmas present!

I tried and tried to set up my playstation 5 and failed. So I hit it with a sledgehammer! Sparks came out and the damn thing won't even turn on! What the heck is going on with this thing?!

My wife's fat ass can't get into the water. People think she's the TITANIC!

My boss wants me to work on Christmas! I told him, there's a FOUR letter word, and he's FULL OF IT!

I said to my wife, your panties, give them to me. NOW! Then she said, FU¢K YOU A$$ HOLE!

After Aunt Debbie sits on my yellow baby bl*nkey all day, I take bl*nkey home and snuggle with bl*nkey at night in bed. My personal baby bl*nkey sat on as a cushion by Aunt Debbie's bubble butt!