Hello, my name is Dillon and I am in need of soap and candles.

My dear friend, hereby known as "Sister Sister" is currently staying in Rhode Island for the summer, and has found a small job to do while there.

Recently, she has sent me pictures of two items found in the store she works. A hand soap with an image of a woman accompanied by the text "So you accidentally touched your genitals" and a candle with an image of hit musical artist Drake's head photoshopped onto Jesus on the candle's side.

I asked her to purchase these items for me as a sign of her friendship, yet she refused. This is an American travesty in the wake of the newly passed Same-Sex Marriage Bill. What the heck, Sister Sister?

I ask that you sign this petition to attempt to convince Sister Sister to purchase these items for me, and deliver them to me upon her return to Georgia.