The petition to ban Adam Lambert is just not enough. We ask the authorities to remove all Calvin Klein underwear from the stores, because wearing them will turn husbands gay. Remove all Tom Ford, Versace, and YSL products from all ground floors of departmental stores, because they will turn young children gay when their mothers shop for clothes. Remove all songs written by gay songwriters and producers, including local ones who wrote for Stefanie Sun, because surely the gay agenda is embedded in the lyrics and melodies. Remove George Michael's 'Last Christmas' for this festive season, because heaven knows how many listeners had his song turned gay over the decades! And ban the title song for the new James Bond movies - Sam Smith is singing to turn the audience gay! Finally, remove all Apple products, because Tim Cook has programmed some gayness into the software and firmware!

Please only allow PG-rated content such as Teletubbies and Spongebobs in public places in Singapore. Oh, wait ...