Fellow Bulls fans,

Although I have never met the man, I am fairly confident that Vinny Del Negro is a doting father, a devoted husband and, more likely than not, a friend to animals. Indeed, he seems like a genuinely good guy, and has only reinforced this opinion by being a generous host to visitors to the United Center for the past 18 months.  Vinny, mensch that he is, would not think of selfishly conserving a timeout just so his team could advance the ball in the final seconds of a close game; Vinny would rather encourage his player to consistently launch contested 18 footers than inadvertently offend the illiterate among us by drawing-up coherent plays on his mini dry-erase board; and Vinny is so concerned about those Chicagoans hit hardest by the economic downturn that he has worked tirelessly to ensure the Bulls' maintenance of a losing record, knowing full well that a losing team means lower ticket prices for the average fan.
Vinny also respects his elders. As the new kid on the block in Chicago, Vinny has sagely learned from Chicago's other great sideline strategists, adopting a coaching style that seamlessly incorporates the glazed ineptitude of Lovie Smith and the undisciplined chaos of Lou Piniella. 
And since Vinny has clearly perfected this coaching style, and has also given all that he could possibly give to the city of Chicago and visitors to the United Center, it would be selfish of us to continue to keep him all to ourselves.  Vinny is too decent and humble a man to ever admit it, but his work is done here.  It is our duty as Chicagoans and conscientious human beings to let this caged bird fly to another city.     Please help us, help Chicago Bulls Management make the right decision, by signing this petition.

Respectfully,

A devoted Chicagoan