Let's ban 7-11 from poisoning our bodies after 9PM. By this time, if you haven't stocked your mixer bar or taken in enough carbohydrates, shame on you. Your forgetfulness should NOT result in 7-11 keeping its doors open and tempting the weak willed masses of the drunken Surf Lodge exodus.

We will keep our men slimmer and our prevent our women from having to pull the trigger any more than they do.

This petition endorsed by male model Harris Haley, Athens, Georgia