Andrew Lyall 0

Get Dr David Starkey to star in my TV show

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I think Dr David Starkey should agree to be in my TV show Starkey and Hutch, because if he doesn\'t agree then the show won\'t get made. Here\'s the premise: Dr David Starkey is studying some historical manuscripts when he has a near death experience. When he is revived by the first paramedic on the scene (Todd Carty) he can now see and hear the ghost of Michael Hutchence the ex lead singer of INXS who either commited suicide or - as his partner Paula Yates believed - died accidentally whilst performing autoerotic, self-asphyxiation nubbins. (Yates later commited suicide by wiring her Rampant Rabbit to the mains supply of her LA pad). At First Starkey attempts to ignore his ghostly companion and continues to make documentaries about the monarchy and other historical shennanigans. Hutch, however, has important news for him from beyond the grave. He (Hutch) has become aware that Time\'s Plan has gone awry, and only he (Starkey) has the historical prowess to figure out what it (the problem) is. Hutch also reveals that he (Hutch) wasn\'t wanking off when he (Hutch) was hanging from his bedroom door by a belt, but was in fact trying to perfect an ancient svengali trick of projecting his essence (spirit, not jizz) into the body of one of his past lives. Eventually (probably just before the second set of adverts) Starkey agrees to quit making documentaries and begins investigating old tomes to try and track down evidence of good people killed before their time. Whilst he (Starkey) is doing this, Hutch is teaching him (Starkey) the arts of svengali time travel, using suspenders, bin bags and slices of orange or satsuma. The feature length pilot would see Dr David Starkey travel back to the olden days by hanging from a belt in a linen closet of the Groucho club whilst engaging in onanism. Once he is back in the body of one of his previous lives Michael Hutchence (who is a ghost that only Starkey can see) will try to guide him and help him straighten out the kinks in Time\'s Plan. There\'s probably a baddie historian too; someone like Willis Carto who is a holocaust denier (one of the worst kind of historians) who travels through time with the ghost of David Lee Roth (not yet dead) trying to put more kinks in Time\'s Plan, thus preventing the holocaust and proving himself right all along. There may be an ethical grey area here whereby the villain is actively trying to prevent the holocaust, but we firgured we could contact some Star Trek writers for a quick, gobbldeygook explanation of why that would be a bad thing. Heaven knows they need the work.


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