Dear Trevor, Stephen, related stakeholders and stick holders:

We are seriously hating the long and tedious combined scrum. Here are the main reasons we think it sucks:

1. We are cold-hearted beings who don't really care to know what folks outside our immediate team are doing.
2. We are mildly traumatized by the pressure to keep our reports as humanly short as possible to avoid hateful stares from others. Sometimes we'd like to mention some details that would be relevant to our immediate team, but then we'd get those dreaded glares...
3. We try to keep our reports as generic as possible, and what we end up saying is a bland, watered-down version of reality that isn't helpful to our immediate team.
4. Every day we are faced with a moral dilemma: suffer quietly while pretending to listen or sneak out of the scrum room early and be forever branded as a selfish jerk.
5. Dude, it's just a drag.

We are requesting that you please kill the combined scrum and let us again have brief, focused, 10-minute team scrums.