WHAT?

Ever notice how when you eat candy everybody wants some? Before further research I always thought that Reece's Peanut Butter Cups depleted the quickest. Then I noticed that The Holy Grail of all candy (Sour Patch Kids) depleted even faster than that, but i knew there was something missing from the equation...

Little did I know an unsuspected predator for this plot in candy history was sitting right under my nose (in my Big Cash Candy Stash to be more exact) this whole time! The Sour Punch Blue Raspberry Straw is the fastest candy to deplete of all time, but why?

WHY?

I've dedicated the last 6 months of my life to this project. I've tested the levels of MSG in Sour Punch Blue Raspberry Straws. I've bought various sizes and calculated the average amount of Sour Punch Blue Raspberry Straws in each tray of Sour Punch Blue Raspberry Straws. We're not getting scammed here folks, there is only one conclusion to be made... The Sour Punch Blue Raspberry Straw Eating Bastards are at it again!

WHO ARE THE SOUR PUNCH BLUE RASPBERRY STRAW EATING BASTARDS?

Anybody can be possessed by the spirit of one. Anyone can be affected by their wrong doings. Imagine your friends, your family, your friends Ex-Girlfriends that still awkwardly hang around gone. They are The Sour Punch Blue Raspberry Straw Eating Bastards!

HOW CAN WE STOP THEM?

Hide your Sour Punch Blue Raspberry Straws! Destroy any evidence that they ever existed! Never share them, not even with your dog! The Sour Punch Blue Raspberry Straw Eating Bastards are coming... Hide your candy...