Save The Tables
Some of life's most memorable moments are spent with a table. Think of the family dinners, board game nights, and the hanky panky you and your significant other enjoy when you have the house to yourself. All enjoyed on or around a table!
We, The New Day, are here to alert you to the rise of a camouflaged menace, a filthy scourge, a lingering and powerful blight that should have been eradicated a decade ago, that threatens to mutilate & poach every table in existence. This plague refers to itself as The Dudley Boyz. These Boyz have been destroying tables, obliterating good wood, and spitting in the face of Mother Nature for years so it is time that we took a stand. Please sign this petition to ensure that our future generations don't have to first learn about tables in history textbooks. Keep tables from going the way of the dodo bird. Keep them from going extinct.
And if this petition gains enough support, we're pretty sure we can get the Dudley Boyz fired or tarred and feathered. Something really humiliating. Only you can prevent table violence.