This is the harrowing tale of Simon and his battle with DDS (Daft Dieting Syndrome).

Simon has battled DDS for over a week now. It is a terrible affliction and causes bizarre side effects such as:

* annoying behaviour

* just not being as funny any more

* general tiredness

* daftness

* weakness of spirit

* death

BUT There is hope! SIGN THIS PETITION AND END THE MISERY OF DDS!

PEACE TO ALL!