Jamie Schirf 0

Sakurai Must Atone

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Friends, as you all know, recently Super Smash Brothers Brawl was delayed once again. The release has been pushed back an entire month, from February 3rd to March 9th. This cannot stand. The director and designer, Masahiro Sakurai, has once again smashed our dreams. He has brought shame upon Hal, Nintendo, himself, and his ancestors. The honor of the above parties can only be restored by one act. Sakurai must commit seppuku. In doing so, the taint of shame will be lifted. We believe that this should be performed on February 3rd, the day Brawl should have been released. He should be free to choose his second, but we humbly suggest Shigeru Miyamoto. In any case, he should kneel and pierce his midsection with a knife, making a cut across. At this time, Miyamoto (or another second) should sever his neck, sparing him further agony. We feel this is the only way to atone for this series of delays. This will send a message to others in the industry as well, letting them know that their own transgressions will be met with similar actions. Sign this petition and show your support.

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