Parents who are also victims of domestic violence should not have to be chained to their abuser for life. There is a false narrative created by the judicial system that convicted domestic abusers have the ability to separate violence against a partner from the abuse of their child. Often, it will be ordered in custody disputes for an abuser to get physical custody of the shared child because it is in the best interest of the child. It is difficult to understand any logical reason as to why an individual with a history of abusive behavior should be trusted to care for an innocent and helpless child.

Domestic violence exists as a cyclic event. The abuser absorbs power through the ebbs and flows of the meticulous pairing of abusive actions and affection. They understand that there are echelons involved in the abuse they can get away with and have become professionals at understanding the process in which to implement the next level of abuse. It may start with name-calling, gaslighting, and manipulation. Then, it can turn to grabbing, pushing, and shoving. Eventually, they will reach their peak tier of strangulation, gun violence, or other lethal means. An abuser will alternate abuse with affection and integrate more intense levels of their abuse once they are satisfied that the survivor is staying with them through their abusive cycles.

In 2018, I married my abuser. I ignorantly rushed into a marriage after just a few months of dating; unbeknownst to me at the time, this decision would drastically alter the course of my life for years to come. In the honeymoon stages of the relationship, he was a version of himself that only lasted for a few months. He would buy me gifts, shower me with compliments, open doors for me, never raise his voice, and avoid any kind of conflict. In early 2019, I found out that I was pregnant with our daughter. He was working shift work at the time, and many times, he would say he had to stay late to do paperwork, but he would, in reality, drink an entire bottle of liquor with a friend and then drive home. During this time, is when the first signs of the domestic violence cycle surfaced. He began to call me names, berate me for telling me to slow down on the drinking, and manipulate me mentally and emotionally. later that year, I was approximately 15 weeks pregnant in the summer, and we were visiting his family in his hometown. He was outside drinking during a cornhole tournament his mother had put together; all day, he had some kind of alcoholic drink in his hand from sun up to sun down. At around midnight, I asked him to come inside with me. This was only the second time I had been to his parent's house, and I was feeling really sick. He refused. I went inside and tried to sleep but couldn't. I then texted him and asked him to come inside again. When he finally got into the room, he told me I was being selfish for taking him away from his family time and called me many disgusting names and slurs. We were driving home the next day, so I began to pack my bag up and said I was going to drive home that night. He then decided to pin me to the bed, sit on my lower abdomen, grab me by the wrists, and hold them above my head. He clenched his teeth at me and told me not to embarrass him at his mother's house. He then got so angry that he wrapped his hands around my throat and choked me until I could not breathe. The next morning I went to the urgent care because I woke up with vaginal bleeding. Luckily, our daughter was still alive and unharmed.

This kind of abuse would continue for two more years; he would not let me leave the room, he would force his way into rooms that I would lock myself into, and he would threaten to kill himself if I did not forgive him when I found out he was being unfaithful, the list could go on forever.

We were both in the military in 2021, and I finally found the opportunity to leave my situation. I applied for an apartment behind his back, he saw the charge on the debit card, confronted me, then got an apartment right down the street at the same complex. He took our daughter home on leave while I was in school for a month, and upon her return, she refused to bathe. She was one then, and when I tried to give her a bath, she would pin herself against the wall and scream. It took me eight months to get her to sit in the bathtub again. When I asked him what happened, he said, "She doesn't take baths anymore, and she can only shower with me."

After moving, I tried to keep our daughter with me and only allowed him supervised visits. There would be times he would call me 200 times within the span of 2 hours, and then when I finally picked up, he said if I didn't let him come over and see our daughter, I was going to make him kill himself. After giving in to his request out of exhaustion, I gave him strict instructions to only spend time with our daughter in her room, and I would be in my room doing college and not come near me. Our daughter had a nanny cam in her room; he played with her for less than 10 minutes, put her to sleep, and then entered my room. He tried to beg for me back after I said no, he again called me names, threw a box of my things on the ground, pushed me to the ground, and repeatedly grabbed my thighs and legs and made sexually degrading comments. I asked him to leave repeatedly, but he would not. I finally threatened to call the cops, and he left.

Eventually, in February 2022, I applied for and was granted a temporary protection from abuse order. Due to this application, the police discovered the abuse and initiated an investigation. After a grueling two-year legal process, he was convicted of two counts of domestic violence, assault, and battery. This was done in a military court, automatically creating a felony conviction. Before his sentencing, he apologized to me in open court, even after pleading not guilty. Two weeks later, after he got out of jail at the final custody hearing, he denied ever convicting domestic violence while under oath. My daughter's lawyer confronted him on this lie, and he denied it twice more and finally admitted to his actions of abuse against me and to lying on the stand. This did not matter in the judge's eyes.

Meanwhile, throughout this two-year process, we also were fighting a custody battle where I was trying to get my final protection from abuse order finalized, as well as keep our daughter away from my abuser. I know what he is capable of, and I am trying to save her from being subjected to the same abuse. Prior to the final hearing, I was not allotted the opportunity to describe to the civilian judge the abuse I had suffered or provide text confessions, videos, medical records, pictures, or any other evidence. Every time he asked for something, she would grant it. Whenever I asked for something, it was met with strict conditions or directly denied. Once he was finally convicted in military court in February 2024, I believed this would aid me in protecting myself and my daughter, but this was naive thinking. The judge is allowing our daughter to be with him for periods of up to a month at a time, have all school vacations with her, and he is allowed to text or call her whenever he wants.

Even though I received majority custody for the next 14+ years, I still am forced to co-parent with my abuser. I am forced to text or call him weekly regarding decisions for our daughter. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from his abuse and still suffer greatly. The judge believes that constantly exposing me to my abuser and allowing him to now contact me is the best option for our daughter. How is a parent expected to parent at their full capacity when they can't escape their abuser? How are they expected to heal? Even through court-monitored apps, he takes jabs at me and does not care to take advice for the proper care of our daughter when she is with me the majority of the time, and I know what is currently going on with her.

After exposing some of my situation to close friends and family, many told me that the judicial system has made this kind of decision in their cases, and they suffer greatly. Someone who has been proven to commit a violent act, especially on their intimate partner, should not get the precious opportunity to be a parent and expose a child to similar abuse.

It is my belief that if one parent, regardless of gender, is convicted in a court of law of domestic violence, the survivor of the abuse should have a choice in the best interest of their shared child. A judge should not have the power to continuously re-expose a victim to their abuser for years on end.

This petition is to raise awareness of the blatant disregard judges have for victims of domestic violence and turn a blind eye to the proven capabilities of the abuser. If you also believe that survivors of domestic battery should have a choice in whether their child is exposed to this individual or put in a position where they, too, can be harmed by a convicted abuser, please sign this petition.

Eventually, I would like to propose a bill to Congress in which this aspect of the judicial system can be reformed. Children can be saved from becoming victims, survivors of domestic violence can be released from the grasp of their abusers, and the domestic violence cycle can finally come to an end.