Paul Byrne, get a proper haircut!
Paul, it is high time you did away with the nancy-boy long hair and got yourself a proper man's haircut. The lads and I have been discussing it, and shaving it off in your sleep was considered, but I felt that was a bit harsh. Instead, we agreed it would be best to appeal to your rational side and get you to do it yourself. We fear that you may be deluded into thinking that long hair is a good look. To add weight to our petition, we have been asking all the girls for their opinion on the matter and i'm afraid they were totally unanimous; it's got to go. As much as it pains me to say it Paul, you are a good looking guy, and if you sorted your hair out i think it would massively increase your success rate with the female of the species. At least give it a try, if only to prove us wrong, in which case you can regrow it and we will all eat a massive slice of humble pie (although i find this unlikely). Anyway, please do not be offended by the petition, we are just trying to advise you (half-jokingly) because we care and want to help you become the lady-killing machine that you deserve to be.