To who ever can help me
here is my story
I am a mother of six children living in Derbyshire,i am in a stable relationship with simon Birnie who is a driver for northern rail
I have my own house and am very stable mentally also physically..
2 years ago a terrible injustice was inflicted on my family..
The truth is i was let down by my ex boyfriend who had an affair with someone who wasnt a friend but i did know her
The affair caused my to have a breakdown,,i let the care of the house slip but never my children..
I fought for my children day after day week after week but im afraid it was hopeless my solicitor didnt seem to have any enthusiasm.
I was given psycological assesments which the outcome was immature personality disorder.
I attended parenting classes on a weekly basis i tried and tried to prove that i love my children and i was now better and fully capable of looking after
my children.
Yes i admit i did let the house grow slightly chaotic but i have been labeled as some sort of child abuser i am not allowed to go to my
remaining child school plays and i am not even allowed to pick her up from school.
This is all due to a mental breakdown,also may i remind anyone reading this i have never taken drugs and i do not drink..
yes i will admit the house was untidy but they children were always fed and warm and very very loved.
I was given no help the social worker was very unfair i was given 10 minutes to pack my childrens clothes and they took my baby from my arms.
My eldest son was terrified we were very close and i no have found out that he feels very bitter towards me for me not letting him come home which breaks my heart
everyday..
I attended contact every few days and after my children were so wrongly taken i didnt see them for two weeks which nearly killed me..
Also i never comprehended suicide as i always thought that i would be given another chance,which i wasnt.
I became pregnant and at three days old my baby was removed from my arms only because my other kids were in care..
I breastfed my eldest daughter who is now 9 for 21 months and i was not allowed to feed my baby..
Too any mothers reading this can you imagine how that feels,i was watched by the hospital staff every minute i had to have the curtains open
at all times but thank god a midwife who i knew personally who delivered my 7 year old knew me and knew i was no risk so when she was on her shift i was allowed to
be alone with my baby..which i will be eternally grateful for..when he was born i couldnt look at him as i knew his fate but i did look at him and i held him close to me seconds after he was born
my mother kept saying you must look at him as i delivered on all fours i knew that if i looked down i would see him and fall in love with him.
Which i did,i prayed that night that he would be able to stay with me and im not religeous at all, i looked at him all night and paryed as hard as i could
He now lives with my sister who is a real angel for taking him into her care he is so loved and he is very lucky to be with her,he is so happy and i thank her everyday in my mind for being
able to give him a home,i know he is safe and very much loved thank you my dear sisterx
Contact was emotionally very hard as my eldest son would say mummy i want to come home its not a holiday anymore,due to when he was taken i told him to be strong and a good boy he
was going on holiday,i had to be strong when they went but i couldnt my sister and her husband had to hold me down as i tried to grab my children back my sons were terrified
my little girl then two hid behind the sofa, it was a nightmare.
The case went on for weeks and weeks and it was heart breaking to hear all the things i apparently did,which wasnt true.
3 months ago i said goodbye to my children for the last time, i didnt want my eldest son to see me cry so i left without saying goodbye,which now i regret.
A social worker had the audacity to tell me that he was very upset just to rub salt in my wounds.
My children are lost in the system and soon to be adopted which is a nightmare.
I need my children and i am willing to do whatever i can to have them returned home.
i was scared to do anything before but now i realise in this life if you do not try you will never know and i dont try i will never know.
my children are my life i miss them everyday and i long to hold them,i wake up crying as i hear trhem in my dreams calling out to me,but when i wake there is no one there
My house is cold there is no happiness there just the sad memories of what was once a very lively house filled with the laughter of my beautiful children.
I need help from anyone who can help please my children are the only thing that keep me alive everyday.
simon is there with me but he has children and he cannot begin to comprehend how it feels to have your life snatched away from you in 10 minutes
Thankyoux

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