In lighthearted solidarity, we are launching a class petition to finally lay our dear friend’s very broken, very battle-worn shoes to rest. These shoes have survived more semesters, hallways, and questionable weather conditions than any footwear reasonably should, and we believe they’ve earned a peaceful retirement. By signing this petition, we acknowledge their long service, honor their perseverance, and gently encourage their owner to let them pass on to a better place preferably one that involves a trash bin and a brand-new pair. Let us come together to give these shoes the dignified farewell they truly deserve.