Vending machines are responsible for contributing over $20,000,000,000 to the American economy every year. That money is used to put food on the table of hard-working vending machine technicians and Jaguars in the garages of executives everywhere. And yet, even in our poor economy, there are still unscrupulous thieves who would seek to profit at the expense of others. A man named Paul Bishai is among the aforementioned scoundrels; he has dedicated his life to privateering and plundering money from the innocent. Bishai is a contemporary pirate—a solipsist of the worst degree. Satan's Barnacle, an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme retrofitted with cannons, is commonly seen transporting Bishai and his hearty crew across the United States. Who he is employed by is uncertain, but the buccaneer has claimed responsibility for the sabotage of countless vending machines nation-wide. Whenever money is "eaten" or "lost" to a vending machine, it is Bishai's doing. Certainly a scheme more expansive and villainous than even Lex Luthor could imagine. And yet justice has not been served; his crew has evaded capture to this day and their captain is at large. Paul Bishai has mercilessly stolen $1.50 from me and I want it back. He has more than likely taken from you as well. Sign this petition to deliver a coup de maitre to a real-life super villain or forever live in fear of your money being eaten. The choice is yours.

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