We, the undersigned, do hereby attest: in its early years, SNL had a wider variety of hosts: civil rights figures, Hollywood directors, politicians, contest winners. Now it's almost always a film or TV personality hawking their latest appearance. It's time to reintroduce some variety to the job. Noam Chomsky, philosopher and activist, linguist and one of the most frequently-cited scholars in the world, would be a fabulous host simply by dint of his celebrity in so many higher realms of endeavor; believe us, if he can develop entire fields of thought in biology, mathematics, psychology, and politics, he can handle a few sketches at least as well as previous hosts Fran Tarkenton, double homicide perp OJ Simpson, Bronson Pinchot, or Howard Cosell. More than that, his political stance -- "Anarcho-Syndicalist" -- is controversial in the way it embraces ideas from extreme ends of the political spectrum. Sure, we would ALL love to have Bertrand Russell as host, but let's face it: he's gone, and unless you're a Neo-Platonist, he's not coming back. Under the circumstances, Noam Chomsky is the best humanity is going to come up with to host your little comedy program. We also think the logical choice for Chomsky's musical guest is Brian May (astrophysicist, animal rights advocate, stereophotography expert, and Chancellor of LJM University in Liverpool, England). He was also the Lead Guitarist for Queen.