On behalf of most of central Oklahoma, we the People Against Martin Turney Being A Whiny Beotch do declare shenanigans against Martin Turney of Oklahoma City and do hereby demand the cessation of all whiny, girl-like activities undertaken by turney. We have encountered numerous acts of Turney crying himself to sleep and generally being girlish in a manner unbecoming an adult male. Turney has been spotted reciting Jewel poems in the park, and on several occasions, he has been known to have pretended to be \"the sensitive one\" in hopes of scoring with semi-attractive females. We believe that Turney has gone unchecked for long enough, and we are now petitioning congress to take action to prevent Turney from future bastardization of the male species. Every day when we get out of bed in the morning, we have a choice to make. We can either accept a world where Martin Turney is free to be every girl\'s gay best friend, or we can act now to create a world where Martin Turney must stop being a whiny little beotch. The choice is simple. Sign this petition, and pray that one day Martin Turney will accept his calling as a man.