kurt cobains death
To Boddah pronounced Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven\'t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we\'re backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn\'t affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love. ()relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can\'t fool you. Any one of you. It simply isn\'t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I\'m having 100 % fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. I\'ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it, (and I do. God, believe me I do, but it\'s not enough. I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they\'re gone. I\'m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I\'ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I\'ve known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can\'t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There\'s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces, Jesus man! Why don\'t you just enjoy it I don\'t know. I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be. Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can\'t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self-destructive, death rocker that I\'ve become. I have it good, very good, and I\'m grateful, but since the age of seven I\'ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along, and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I\'m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don\'t have the passion anymore and so remember, its better to burn out than to fade away. peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain Frances and Courtney, I\'ll be at your alter. Please keep going Courtney for Frances for her life which will be so much happier without me. I Love you. I love you! COULD THIS HAVE BEEN A \"SUICIDE\" NOTE I wasn\'t sure at first. But as I studied my investigation notes, reviewed the case and continued gathering information over the next several months while working with Courtney, I concluded with complete confidence, this was not a \"suicide\" note. This was a note to Kurt\'s fans explaining his decision to quit the music business, to stop touring and to stop performing. Read the contents carefully. Here was a guy who cared about his fans. Here was a guy with compassion. He had a drug habit, he had some flaws, but he seemed to care about others more than he cared about himself. Is this a letter from a self-centered father with no concern for his daughter Does this sound like someone who didn\'t care about the images he\'d be leaving his little girl--images of violence and physical destruction that Frances would be forced to visualize the rest of her life whenever she thought about her dad SO, WHAT WAS HE SAYING IMAGINE for a moment that Kurt is alive and well. His band broke up and he moved away from Seattle. All performances have been canceled. Now read the letter again. Imagine Kurt wrote it to explain his decision to his fans. Why does it all make so much sense now Because that\'s precisely why this note was written! WHO IS BODDAH In an article written several years ago, Kurt\'s mother, Wendy O\'Conner, indicated Kurt had an imaginary childhood friend named \"Bodah.\" After Kurt\'s death, a reprint of this article appeared in the new Rolling Stone book about Cobain. It may have little relevance, but I couldn\'t help but notice in the reprint, the spelling of the name Bodah was changed to Boddah, matching the spelling of the name used at the top of the note. As mentioned ealrier, this top line may also have been added in an attempt to convince readers it was written to his \"imaginary childhood friend.\" it was not written to Courtney and Frances. Their names were added as a footnote. This note was obviously written to Kurt\'s fans. This note belongs to Kurt\'s fans.