Kanye West headlining Glastonbury festival goes against everything it stands for, namely the perpetuation of the white rock hegemony it's famous for. When I heard about this I nearly choked on my flat white. We can't allow this to happen.

What we need is a name we can get behind, a name who represents what we stand for, a name that those of us attending the televising of Glastonbury this June will want to spend roughly an hour and twenty minutes watching on a Saturday night (and possibly again on iPlayer a couple of days later). That name is Jeremy Clarkson.

Think about it, big Jezza prowling the Pyramid stage, insulting one ethnic group after another, moaning about cyclists, making insinuative jokes about James May possibly being a bit gay, and then for a climax punching Michael Eavis for having the audacity to book one of the world's biggest non-guitar playing recording stars to headline his festival in the first place.

So please, sign this petition, make this happen, let Michael and Emily Eavis know that we who pay our licence fee to attend Glastonbury on the BBC are not willing to accept a man we don't like and who's music we don't much care for either to spoil our Saturday night's viewing and that the mighty Clarkson, surely the greatest living Englishman, would make an ideal replacement.