Hire Marielle to work for you. Also, pay her well (She's hungry!).
Hi. I really need a job. Like, really need one. And seeing as you're currently hiring, please hear me out: You need me -- and I need you.
You can probably tell how desperate I am to catch your attention since most people don't bring petitions containing nearly a thousand signatures to their job interviews; Yet, here I am. Desperate not just for a job, but for a career. I am your proud and atypical strange duck, and I've been hiding my gifts. I am finally ready to share them in the world of writing, especially as they pertain to creative media, culture, and/or comedy. Are you ready? If not, at least I know you won't forget my interview -- because one of my talents is creating memorable moments from weird situations -- those that so easily draw interest and amusement from almost any crowd.
I have collected hundreds of signatures from people who believe I am worth taking a chance on. That said, my proposal to you today is: Will you sign the 1,000th and last signature on my petition, and agree to give me an opportunity to work for you? HIRE ME TODAY!