Are your a friends with Patrick Jernigan? Do you look to him with great admiration and believe his exuberance should be paramount? If you answered yes then sign this petition. By signing, your doing your part and helping this downtrodden, young man escape his working class hovel and moved to more suitable accomidations befitting someone as cultivated and of such eminence as he. See ya at top!

Sincerely, Dan Gilbert's, cousin's, best friend's, former roommate.