True Detective is an enormously popular mystery television program. Unfortunately it is so enrapturing and well crafted that many of its fans have resorted to posting their personal theories of the story's resolution. The fan theories are as absurd as suggesting Detective Marty Hart's (Woody Harrelson) wife is the leader of murder rape cult to as banal as the believing the main character, Rustin Cohle (Matthew McConaughey), is the cult leader and doesn't Know the truth. This kind of speculation was enjoyable when the show first started but as the weeks have progressed many fans have seemingly become detached from reality. They spend hours looking at stills from the series and making speculative family trees to tie the loose ends of the story together. People are losing untold hours to analyzing and investigating the 7 hours of footage that comprises the series. More importantly, I can't stop reading these fan theories. Even the nonsensical semiliterate ramblings that comprise the bulk of them garner my rapt attention. This needs to stop. I need to work harder for school. I need to be a better husband to my wife. I need to do something other than read, think, and obsess about True Detective. Please HBO. Show mercy that Reggie Ledoux would not and release the series finale today, tomorrow, or anytime before sunday.