Re-Name the GW Superdorm!
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Because students from the farthest reaches of campus are obviously cursing out the construction noise titillating with excitement and anticipation over the new Superdorm, the GW administration launched an online #HistoryLivesHere Contest in February offering students to be a part of history in the making by giving them the ability to vote for its new name. That’s right people, as compensation for the relentless late-night and early-morning drilling and displacement of hundreds of students, in a true act of democratic values GW has put the power in our hands. Even President Knapp and his goon squad of deans, trustees and stuffy men we don’t recognize made a promotional video to truly emphasize the gravity of our dorm-naming responsibility and get us in the spirit!
Much to my disappointment, out of nearly 400 submissions including crowd favorites “University Commons,” “Tricentennial Hall,” and “Unity Hall,” on March 16 the student body decided upon “District House” for the Superdorm’s name, submitted by senior Alexandra Blackwell. While I applaud Alexandra for her creativity and am definitely envious of her Macbook Air prize, were I to have actually read my GW Infomail emails in enough time to know this contest was happening, I probably would’ve chose a name that was a bit more…honest. I mean, “District House,” “Thurston Hall” and “City Hall” are surely all timeless, uncontroversial, parent-approved names, but if the university really wants to push the #HistoryLivesHere concept, why not immortalize our dorms by naming them after their true reputations?
If the housing department really knew what they were doing in years past, Thurston would be known as the “Hall of Regrettable Decisions,” City Hall may go by “Haunted Route 6 Motel,” and I-house would appropriately be deemed “High House.” Potomac would be penned the “Hall of Thurston Rejects,” we’d know Ivory as “Nicer Than Your First Post-Grad Apartment-Tower,” the Vern would be dubbed “Monastery Manor,” and, if GW’s team of dorm-namers were feeling especially feisty, the PSK house would’ve been christened the “Basement of Broken Dreams.” Furthermore, if the housing department really knew what they were doing only a week ago, an 80-year old Italian man named Guiseppe would be engraving “Overcompensation Hall” onto a gold plaque to be placed in the entrance of the Superdorm as we speak.
Though the chance to memorialize some of GW’s older dorms has come and gone, I refuse to let the Superdorm – I mean, “District House” – slip through our hands. We spend far too much time complaining about the shitty-ness of GW to allow the university to make another shitty decision. By signing this petition we can take back what was never rightfully ours and make it known to the university that we will not stand for the foolishness that is “District House.” Raise high the buff and blue, raise high the blunts and bongs, raise high the billion dollars of debt that four years at GW has cost you, and let’s show Mr. Knapp what we really mean by #HistoryLivesHere.
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