Give Me McPizza or Give Me Death!
My Friends, Much has changed since those halcyon days of the early 1990s. The Internet has made the world as close-knit a community as the neighbourhood you grew up on as a child. The disestablishment of the USSR signalled the end of the Cold War era which dominated the latter half of the 20th century. We collectively decided that Paulie Shore really wasn't that funny. However, I know there are those among you that feel as I do: that something is amiss, as though there were a hole in your very soul that cannot be filled. I know you yearn this way, for I have felt it too, and it is a hunger so large that cannot belong to one person alone: it must be felt by an untold multitude, united in our love for that which is long gone. The absence of which I speak is of the McDonald's pizza. I say the time for mourning is over, and the time for action is now! No more crying in vein in the night, no more dreams of our beloved McPizza which only end in heartache upon waking, no more fruitless attempts at replicating the recipe in our own kitchens! Let us cry out in one voice to those that would deny us our birthright: "I DEMAND THE RETURN OF McDONALD'S PIZZA!" The road ahead is long and fraught with peril, my friends, and I cannot guarantee victory. But know this: as more of you place your feet upon the path, the closer we come to our dream of a golden, flaky dawn at which we feast upon our beloved McPizzas. Let us right this terrible wrong.