For too long have I sat here, forlornly looking at my daily pot noodle! Too Long have the men in this office stood back and eaten crummy home made food and the dregs of the local spar deli counter. We endure this because we cling to the hope, that hope that when an event comes to the office worth celebrating, we, the people of the office, ALL the people of the office will come together to eat a meal with recognisable ingredients! I HAVE A DREAM! That men will no longer have to eat diced cardboard and food dye number 6. I HAVE A DREAM! That people will not be divided by their driving ability. I HAVE A DREAM! That when it's a work colleagues birthday, that I will get the chance for some decent grub!

Today I was exposed to the most heinous, treacherous, nay, TREASONOUS crime of all! Blatant discrimination against me and my fellow penis-wearing chums! Yes our feet may be bigger, our bellies also, but we will not be denied! We shall have our vengeance! In this life or the next!

P.S. When's the cake?