It started when I was 21, 7 years ago, I began a relationship with a man whom I would find out to be verbally, mentally and even physically abusive. As I am a woman, I hoped I could change him or he would change with time but my hopes proved to be wrong. During all of the heart ache and abuse, I ended up becoming pregnant. The abuse only grew stronger. This is when he began to put his hands on me. He wanted me to get an abortion but I refused. I considered adoption because he was so persistent on not having this child with me. I couldn't do such a thing because my baby was a blessing, as I was told by doctors I would not be able to have a child or I would need to see a fertility specialists to attempt to have a child if I ever wanted one if there was a chance... so with this being said, I could not and would not accept the options my daughters father wanted me to do.
The mental abuse only grew stronger. At this point, I finally started sticking up for myself. He is an almost retired lieutenant as well as an ex marine so he knows how to play head games and that he does well. He always made me feel as if I was wrong. When it came to him cheating on me and going after other women, I learned to turn my cheek in fear of what may happen if I said something.
The day I told him I was pregnant, he flipped out on me. I left his house and later on he met up with me at my sisters house to tell me I could have the baby but he was going to get back with his ex wife so he could afford to give me child support, but didn't want anything to do with the baby or myself and didn't want me to say it was his. This just broke my heart. I was going to be a single mother. He was talking to another woman at this time as well and he told this woman that I got pregnant intentionally to try to trap him. How would this be when I tried breaking up with him before I was pregnant and he begged me to stay?
We stopped talking for awhile but I waited for him to come around which he eventually did. I gave him another chance hoping he would change.
My belly finally started growing. I was happy because I never experienced this before.I thought it would be a time for the both of us to be happy, but he ruined it. As my belly grew, he told me I was fat, disgusting, and grossed him out along with a lot of other things I will not mention. Hormonal me, would start crying. I didn't understand how a person could be so cruel. Fighting escalated. This is when he would get in my face and even push me. Once he put his fist in my face and told me he wished I was a boy so he could punch me in the face. This frightened me so I started just letting him do as he pleased.
Before I had my daughter, he was always telling me hurtful things like he was going to take my baby away from me before she was even born because I am an unfit mother. He belittled me, made me feel like I was already a terrible mother, and he made my whole pregnancy experience awful. As for saying I am unfit,I was never a mother before, I am a nurse, I do not do drugs, I don't drink, I attend college full time to pursue my career, and I've never been in trouble with the law. Because he was always accusing me of being psycho, insane and having a mental disorder, I took it upon myself to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. I am not diagnosed with any kind of mental disorder.
While I was in labor with my daughter, I called her father to let him know the doctor said I needed to go because I was in labor. Well it took him at least 6 hours to pick me up and take me to the hospital because he was at a birthday party with his ex -and family. While I was actually having her, he sat in a chair in the room and read a magazine about building a home. He finally got up and stood by me when one of my family members said something to him. He didn't care to be there and wanted to leave as soon as it was over. All he did was kept making rude comments to me the whole time like "you need a tic tac. Did you brush your teeth today? You're handling this like a child" and when it was over with, he tried to give me a high five and said "good job". That was it. He argued with me the whole time and made the whole experience miserable when it was supposed to be a beautiful experience. My first and only child and these are the memories I am going to have stuck in my head forever.
After my daughter and I went home from the hospital, he took 6 weeks off of work to supposedly help me with my newborn. All he did was drop us off at my moms then 2 weeks later decided to come see us every once in awhile. All the 6 weeks he took off, he spent those days doing things for his ex and running his 2 other children around. He did not help me with my daughter. I was a fulltime student and did not work at the time. I had to take full financial responsibility for my daughter this whole time. I paid for everything with the exception that his parents would help buy food, clothes, and diapers sometimes.
He has been in and out of my daughters life all her life as he pleased because I kept giving him chances. Now he wants to have joint custody. Why? This is exactly what he told me "if I only have her 4 days a month like you agree to let me have her (every other weekend) I will have to pay more child support." He is more concerned about child support that he recently started paying and is not close to what he should be paying. I can't believe he is more worried about paying more money then actually spending time with his daughter. My daughter thinks the world of him so this breaks my heart.