A short list of iMURDAu's crimes:

—iMURDAu regularly drinks the blood of babies and kittens in some strange cocktail they believe will make them less horrible

—iMURDAu knows where flight 370 is but refuses to tell

—Every night iMURDAu poisons all the members of TCS and steals their socks

—Every time you stub your toe? iMURDAu's fault.

—Baby seal nipple clamps. No, I'm not going to elaborate, use your imagination with this one.

—Alzheimer's

—Clamshell packaging

—On the night of July 27th iMURDAu drank straight from the carton, threatened the beloved member JT and said, and I quote, "If you tell anyone I will DDOS the site, molest more puppies than usual and make sure that love itself stops existing."

Please do something about it.

This petition is meant to be passed to President Obama, Vladimir Putin, whoever runs Australia (some kind of wizard?) and anyone else who may have the power to put an end to iMURDAu's crimes.