Whereas, an impasse in negotiations between workers and management has brought an American Icon in junk food to its knees.
Whereas, unless agreement can be reached, Twinkies will be made in China.
Whereas, the cost of Hostess Snack Products have inflated beyond the average American's ability to purchase.
Whereas, not just some greedy union workers will lose their jobs, but greedy wall-street investors will lose their shirts too!
Whereas, without intervention there can be no hope for thousands of men and women who will lose their jobs and for those of us who will lose our Twinkies.
Therefore, We, the undersigned, are concerned citizens who urge the President of the United States to act now to intervene in negotiations by holding a beer summit with union and management, and resolve the issue at hand.
We further resolve, if negotiations fail, that you, Mr. President, immediately issue an Executive Order to nationalize Hostess, making it a division of the U.S. Postal Service, whereby junk mail and junk food can be obtained at a single stop.