We, the undersigned of both northern and southern regions of the United States of America, petition the former Confederate States of America to again secede from the union in order that northerners may peaceably rid ourselves/themselves of that majority of southern citizenry who are multiply-bigoted extremist religious and political conservatives, stipulating that all southerners who wish to leave the poop shoot of the nation and move to the northern portion of the soon-to-be disbanded foundational nation now known as the United States of America, where they will be welcomed as citizens of a new nation christened The United States of North America, which will split 50/50 with the Confederate States of America, all armaments, including nuclear weaponry and military installations (or the cost of establishing parity through the building of new installations or the destruction of existing installations), building a border-long Great Wall of North America with military crossing points every 500-1000 miles, as determined, thereby leaving to the Confederate States of America their tobacco industry, their extremist government, and their border with Mexico.