Bring Back Blood Gulch in Halo Anniversary

Who decided to 86 Blood Gulch? I want a name. I bet it's Mitch and he masturbates with a glove. Mitch, no one denies your authority on BBW bukake or hirsute dwarf glory holes, you're one of the all time greats. But when it comes to selecting which multiplayer maps make the cut for the Halo Anniversary edition, you're either a dillapidated asshole or have blubber twat for brains. Which is it?

 

Dozens to millions. Somewhere within that range is the number of people thinking exactly what I'm thinking. BG is vintage Halo in it's purest form. Nothing hits the spot like hail marrying a grenade 90 yrds, perfectly timing the explosion to catapult a wharthog into corkscrew somersaults and seeing your flag bounce another 90 yrds while you frantically pursue it, your heart pounding at mach 7 cocaine speed, while the other team scrambles to recollect it before it vanishes. This experience defines Halo 1 as much as the Magnum, the soundtrack, the Covenant, the phyiscs engine, and even Master Chief himself.

 

It's up to us to stop Mitch. The stakes have never been higher. If we don't take a stand now they're going to replace the Wharthog with an IROC-Z. Master Chief will take off his helmet and it'll be that dick head colonel from Avatar. And Miley Cirus will end up doing the score for Halo 4 as an acapella duet with Clay Aiken.

 

Be responsible. Demand a download for BG. Sign this petition.

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Nick Swardson

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