The petition
A February 13, 2008 editorial in The Rocky Mountain News opined that for all those criticizing rightwing oil whore Bruce Benson’s selection as sole finalist for the position of University of Colorado President, none have offered a better choice.
As such, and acknowledging the Rocky Mountain News’ fair point, we, the undersigned, demand the CU regents consider a new direction for the CU presidency.
We propose a candidate for the position who we think easily matches the integrity and commitment to academic principles of Mr. Benson. (Or, for that matter, current CU president and rightwing ACTA whore, Hank Brown.)
Our candidate?
Pigasus II.
Some will protest that being a 220 pound market hog should preclude one from serving as President of Colorado’s flagship university. We ask you to consider the following:
Both Bruce Benson and Pigasus II have served an equal number of years in higher education. Likewise, both Bruce Benson and Pigasus II have received an equal number of advanced degrees.
Pigasus II will be as content as Bruce Benson to swallow the sewage spoonfed him by rightwing interest groups. Moreover, whereas Bruce Benson can only metaphorically shit all over the vestiges of academic freedom and intellectual honesty remaining at the University of Colorado, Pigasus II will be happy to do so quite literally.
Furthermore, unlike Bruce Benson, Pigasus II has never, to our knowledge, driven while drunk. Nor has Pigasus II ever threatened the life of a spouse.
Granted, he has, from time to time, consumed the corpses of his offspring, but we think any amount of meditation on Bruce Benson’s political career will disclose that the difference between the two creatures' behavior is not so very great.
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